1. You Can Throw Out Basestealers, But What Else Ya Got?

Johnny Bench
is a monkeywrench
thrown into the air,
not a five-tool player.

       2. Get Help For Your Addiction Before It Causes Real And Permanent Problems You Can’t Get  
           Out From Beneath

Pete Rose
wears pantyhose
as sheer as he can get,
having lost a bet.

       3. On Receiving A Gift Basket After A One-Night Stand

Derek Jeter
isn’t a cheater
say sports scribes in New York
though his dates call him a jerk.

       4. Accept The Consequences Of One’s Actions

Barry Bonds
is cooled with palm fronds
waved by hire hands—
his last remaining fans.

       5. The Old Stadium Needs Taxpayer Funding To Pay For An Upgrade To Its Amenities
          Including An Increase In The Number Of Commodes In Women’s Restrooms

Adam Dunn
hits a long home run
but you can’t enjoy it
sitting on the toilet.




Gary Leising is the author of two chapbooks of poems, Fastened to a Dying Animal, published by
Pudding House Press, and Temple of Bones, forthcoming from Finishing Line Press. His work has
appeared in many literary journals, including recent and forthcoming poems in River Styx, Cincinnati
Review, Prairie Schooner, Sentence: A Journal of Prose Poetics, and Vestal Review. He lives in Utica, New York, with his wife and two sons, where he teaches creative writing and poetry as an associate professor of English.