John Wilkinson: Naming Rights (fiction)
While Johnny “Football” Manziel continues to accumulate headlines, I spent some time recently with a confused young man with a famous name just trying to make it in this world. This is a story about finding yourself when everyone wants you to be someone else.
Somewhere
down in the hills of Texas there’s a dusty road sign at the edge of the
city limits proclaiming to all who come and any who listen that this town, and
only this town, is the Home of Johnny Football.
Hundreds
of hard miles away in Livingston, Tennessee, a blossoming bedroom community
custom-built for the Memphis nouveau riche, you will find no such sign, even
though it too, is the home of Johnny Football.
They
say the key to life is to making the most out of the hand you’re dealt. That
it’s the individual who holds the keys to his or her own virtue. Still, we
cannot control everything, such as where and to whom we are born, and what we
are named. When Todd and Pamela Football gave birth to their second child
seventeen years ago, forgive them if they couldn’t foresee what would be in
store for their son, Johnny Fitzhugh Football.
This
Johnny Football doesn’t even play football.
“I
like Minecraft. Oh, and CoD Black Ops.” The greasy-faced but unassumingly
handsome high school senior tells me over lunch at the Livingston Zaxby’s.
You
can imagine what his life’s been like these past few months, what with his
namesake dominating the headlines for all the right and wrong reasons.
“Growing
up people would always ask if I played football,” he added with a mouth full of
fries. “It definitely got old but you kind of get used to it, you know. But
now…” His voice suddenly trails off and the carefree teenager smile all but
evaporates into a cloud of gloom.
I
ask if he’s given any thought to going by John or Jonathan or even changing his
name entirely.
“I’ve
thought about it, yeah. I like the name MacGyver. And Ace. But then I’d have to
explain it to everyone and dad says Footballs aren’t quitters, so … I did play
once. Football. My freshman year of high school. A lot of my friends were
playing and I thought wearing my jersey to school on game days would get the
attention of Cynthia McDermott, but I was so skinny and small they nicknamed me
‘Pee-Wee Football’ so I quit.” His focus is now firmly on his phone. “Want to
hear my band?” He asks, holding his phone across the table. “That’s me on the
drums. We’ve only been playing a few weeks but I think we’ve got some real
potential.”
Not
bad. I ask him for the name of the band.
“Well,
we’re still working on that…the name isn’t that important anyway.”
@CaptAceMacGyver: no, I did not get sent home from
Manning Camp. I’ve never been to that camp, I went to Camp Kiddawacha in 8th
grade and earned a canoe badge.
Todd
Football feels for his son. A successful software engineer and self-described
“cool nerd dad” he understands the baggage that comes with the name. “My old
man played some semi-pro baseball before shipping off to Korea and coming home
with a Purple Heart. He was a nails-for-breakfast, chores-for-lunch kind of
man. I remember when I told him I wanted to quit baseball, he didn’t even look
up from his evening paper when he said, ‘Son, the Footballs are not quitters.’
And that was that.”
The
Footballs are a simple, God-fearin, ‘meat n’ three’ family fueled by an earnest
love and respect for one another. The type of family that rewards good report
cards with personal pan pizza, volunteers at the church and takes their shoes
off in the doorway but doesn’t fuss at guests who fail to play by the house
rules.
Here,
in the well-appointed and spotless Football living room decked out with happy
family photos from beach vacations past and present, Todd keeps an ear to CNBC
and his bespectacled eyes on his iPad. He looks a bit like Waldo without the
stripes and a dash of salt sprinkled into his peppered hair. He lets out a deep
sigh.
“That
Manziel fella’s in trouble again,” he says with a certain disdain. “I hate to
invest so much emotion into a boy I don’t even know, but the more his name pops
up on the internet the more it’ll affect our Johnny.”
His
brow furrows as he reads on, slowly shaking his head in quiet disapproval.
“I
used to work with a Ted Bundy, you know. Not the Ted Bundy of
course, but ol’ Teddy Bundy from Texarkana. Didn’t seem to bother him too much;
shoot, he almost enjoyed the scrutiny. Whenever he’d introduce himself he’d
wait a second for the reaction then he’d say, ‘and I’m here to kill ya!’” Todd
laughs, making a stabbing motion with his hand. “Ol’ Ted was a trip, no doubt
about it.”
A
room away, Pam runs the vacuum over the spotless carpet with the aplomb of a TV
Land housewife.
“But
our Johnny’s different,” he solemnly adds as the laughter exits the room. “When
this other boy won the Heisman I think our son enjoyed playing it up around
school and stuff. He went as the Heisman Trophy for Halloween and all that. But
I can see that it’s really starting to get to him now. You can’t help but feel
a little responsible, as a parent. I suppose we could’ve named him James or
Paul or something, but he has every right to the name and he’s our Johnny.”
The
phone rings and Pam stops the vacuum and answers.
“Yes.
No. No, look that Johnny doesn’t live here, ok? Please stop calling.”
“Who
was it this time, hon?” Todd asks.
“Another
reporter, I think.”
“Animals.
Ruthless animals, those folks. Don’t they know his last name isn’t even
Football?”
Down
in the Football basement, Johnny is banging away on an X-box controller and
trading commands and trash-talk among online friends and foes. This is where he
vacations. This is where he’s simply known as CaptAceMacGyver, Nazi zombie
slayer.
“Coach
Dawson is the worst,” he tells me. “Every time I see him in the halls he yells
out something like, ‘THERE HE IS FOLKS, JOHNNY F’in FOOTBALL! HEY HEISMAN,
YOU GET ANY SLEEP LAST NIGHT?!’ Or, ‘HEY, YOU GOT ANY BEER?’ One of the
colleges I applied to sent me back a letter saying they didn’t think it was
funny wasting their time with a fake application. Sometimes I wonder if I’m
even a real person anymore.”
@CaptAceMacGyver: Hey @JManziel2 STOP DRINKING AND
GETTING INTO TROUBLE IM TRYING TO LIVE A LIFE HERE. TIA, DBAG.
Two
days after he tweeted this to dozens of followers, Johnny Football found
himself where many teenagers so often do: grounded.
“My
mom asked me what a d-bag was. Like I even knew. My dad told her it was short
for a douche or something so I had to listen as my mom explained to me the
function of an actual douche bag. It was a nightmare and she took my phone away
for a few days.”
A
month after his controversial tweet, Johnny Football walked the stage at
Livingston High to receive his diploma. Save for some scattered boos when his
name was read, no doubt from clever Tennessee fans, he appeared noticeably
happy and relieved to be finished with high school obligations. He’s still
unsure where and when he’ll attend college and what exactly the future holds,
but on this particularly beautiful late spring day, among his friends and
family, Johnny Football was simply happy being himself.
We
all carry pressure. Whether it’s living up to your own or someone else’s
expectations, or just trying to make a living for yourself and your family and
battling life’s brutal elements, pressure invariably walks with us every step
of the way like a heavy pair of shoes. Some of us struggle to free ourselves
from its clutches while others find a way to harness it as fuel, and exploit it
for success.
I
received an envelope in the mail last week, and inside was a recent
clipping from the Livingston Messenger:
“Tonight
at Funtown Bowling Lanes, don’t miss the debut of Johnny Football & the
Heismans. $5 cover.”
John Wilkinson is a writer currently
based in his hometown of Lexington, Kentucky. His work has been featured on
CBSSports.com, The
Thoroughbred Times, Deadspin, and Kentucky Sports Radio,
to name a few. He has also worked on various political
campaigns as a communications strategist and speechwriter, and in publishing as
an acquisitions and production editor for The History Press. Twitter:
@Johnawilk.